Yes this ant hill is taller than the house!! There must be 20 different varieties of ants here!
Happy New Year! Peace On Earth
In a country with an AIDS epidemic is promiscuity OK if it doesn’t negatively affect anyone?
This has been one of the most difficult posts, and quite a long one!! Below are some researchy paragraphs with statistics, I’m currently writing my community assessment and thought I would share some of my research…
It seems that, in Botswana, few people that I’ve met have monogamous relationships and many have multiple concurrent partners. Because of love triangles resulting from these types of relationships passion killings are not uncommon. Fewer people are dying from malnutrition and diarrheal diseases, while other causes, including interpersonal violence, claimed more lives in Botswana in 2013 than in 1990.
A man I know is dedicated to his work, family, was a social worker and is a very compassionate and caring individual. He doesn't drink and goes to church regularly. Despite what this would represent in US culture it means quite a different thing here. He’s currently engaged and very much in love with his fiancé, yet he’s shagging another woman and that woman has a boy friend and, well, the fact that both of their partners live in other towns seems to make it OK to have multiple concurrent partners. The man drives 2 hrs every weekend to be with his fiancé and his daughter, but maybe for him this isn’t enough physical attention. Does she have multiple partners too?
Other men have said that they would get bored if they were with just one woman. I’ve heard it often said that Botswana used to be a polygamist country and it’s been difficult to change those practices. There are many churches that still allow polygamy and perform polygamist marriages even though it is currently illegal in Botswana, they don’t register all of the wives with the government. In a discussion I had with a 20 something Botswana that I work with I was told that Botswana use their casual approach to relationships as a way of not getting hurt because they have been hurt before and don’t trust. This is the same man that blatantly tried to steal P100 BWP from me, the equivalent of about $11 USD, but relatively worth about $25 USD. Many Botswana women have told me that they don’t trust other women, or Botswana men and want a white man because they think they are more honest. I don’t get the sense from the men that they don’t trust each other though some have told me they don’t trust Bostwana women. One man actually said that Botswana women are evil. This could be because of the poverty here and that the poor, and not so poor, Botswana will do just about anything for money and these “things” include some form of deception either to the person they are getting money from, or to themselves. If you are not honest with yourself then how can you be honest with others? Many Botswana are used to relying on others and the government to get them what they need, so manipulative and conniving acts are not unheard of. People are very open about cheating the government and others to get what they want.
Younger men and women have told me they will be faithful in marriage and many women want monogamous relationships.
One, or both, of their grandparents; foster parent/s, aunts, or older siblings, raise Botswana children. The children move from grandparents, to mother, to friend and in a few cases the fathers will watch after them. It’s not uncommon for the parents of the children not be married and it's VERY common for people to have kids out of wedlock. In many cases children are cared for when they are infants and once they can walk steadily they have more freedom than what children do in the US. I’ve had very young children, 3, or 4 years old, run up to me, crossing dirt roads, just to say hi and there are no parents in sight. 2 and 3 year olds roam the yards freely looking for things to play with. I haven’t seen many rules for any age, except being inside by dark and as children get older they are asked to help with chores and usually do so without any hesitation.The average Botswana family will have a large flat screen TV with satellite that gets a plethora of channels and some have an x-box, or playstation. In these families there is at least one car.
I’ve observed that Botswana children are very carefree. They posses little inhibition, have a lot of free time and enjoy playing with the most simple objects: a ball made out of a sock, an old tire, aluminum cans, sticks, rocks and homemade toys. They seem confident, happy and not afraid. The girls want to grow up quickly; 14 year olds wear very provocative clothing, usually have developed some kind of a strut and carry themselves like a woman. I’ve noticed that most Botswana really know how to flirt, the men are very good at it!, and the girls know how to get attention.
Having sex at a young age is very common in Botswana. I was told by a 23 year old that most Botswana have sex between the ages of 14 and 18 and it’s common to have multiple partners during those years. There is a lot of peer pressure to have sex and all the Botswana I’ve met are very open about it. It’s not uncommon for a 19 year old to have a child, or two. Abortion is illegal, except for extreme cases like rape, or when it’s dangerous for the woman to go the full term of the pregnancy. It’s frequent that the men don’t wear condoms and I haven’t determined why Botswana don’t use condoms, or other forms birth control regularly. Children are protected under the formal laws and men are required to pay child support, but it's minimal and not enough to cover the basic needs of a child. There is a high rate of unemployment, or low employment and many men can’t afford to pay for child support, so even if the woman goes to court and wins her battle, the father may not have anything he can pay her with.
Who am I to judge whether having multiple relations, or having children out of wedlock is right, or wrong. Studies show that humans, out of the need to procreate, have a yearning to find more than one partner. "We do know that in humans we do have this pretty strong pair bond, and there's more paternal investment than in most other primates," said Daniel Kruger, a social and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health. "We're special in this regard, but at the same time like most mammals, we are a polygamous species." Kruger said humans are considered "mildly polygamous," in which a male mates with more than one female.
Mildly polygamous seems to mean that humans may have one partner, but have sex with others? In these types of situations I think about the well being of the children and wonder if they are getting the consistent love and nurturing that children need to be happy and healthy? Does a broken home with multiple caregivers’ breed low self-esteem?
In an article by Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist, relationship counselor, parenting counselor and couples therapist. He states “In my clinical work, I find that a promiscuous individual suffers from low self-esteem and feels that sex is a way to get attention and to feel noticed. Of course, if someone feels smart, happy and loved, they typically will not need to seek out attention in maladaptive ways.” I wonder if this holds true in Botswana?
Some children are treated as commodities and when a woman gets married her new husband must pay her family for the cost of her upbringing and schooling, all the costs it took to raise her. This is called the bride price, or Begodi. The bride is then obligated to the man because he paid for her and the bride’s family puts pressure on her to perform in the marriage so they aren’t dishonored. On the wedding day, after the celebration, there is a ceremony where the bride is brought to the groom’s family and she is told what is expected of her in marriage. I’ve heard that often times the woman cries when the expectations are revealed. The man is still clearly the head of the household.
Women head 46% of the countries households, but have much less of the wealth. They have less access to land, cattle and other economic resources because in most cases the family wealth is passed down to the males in the family, there have recently been laws that make it "OK" for the women to receive some of the family wealth, but it still rarely happens. There are many reasons why women are repressed and the most prevalent is that some traditional laws are still prevailing. Traditional laws were here well before the constitution documented formal laws and the original constitution, written just 50 year ago, didn’t address woman’s issues specifically. Many of the cultural, or traditional, laws make women servants to men, the bride price insures that, and the constitution fails to address contradictions between formal and traditional laws. In traditional law a woman can’t say no to any command from their husband, particularly for sex, and the woman is required to do all the household chores including regular raking and cleaning of the plot, which is usually about 1/2 acre, or more, and all dirt that gets covered with weeds. The yard is expected to be clear of weeds and raked regularly, all the cooking, child rearing, cleaning and laundry, done by hand in most cases, is the responsibility of the woman. All of this is also expected if the woman is holding down a job outside the home. It's common for a woman to get beaten if she doesn't meet the expectations. In 2008 some of the formal laws were clarified and women, by law, don’t have to be submissive to the man. Corporal punishment is also now illegal, though still practiced.
Some of the 20 something men that I interviewed stated that they think the chores should be 50/50 but the woman should know her ”place” and that “place” is to be submissive to the man. A woman I know had cervical cancer and was very sick for years, yet her husband insisted she still do her chores. He beat her several times because she was too weak to do everything that was expected of her. She accepted this because she feels that he didn’t know how to manage when she wasn’t able to live up to what was expected of her. Yes, there are laws that have been passed within the last 6 years that protect women and children, but the resources to uphold the laws are lacking. Many women, if they know their rights, don’t have the resources to protect themselves and many times the repercussions in the home aren’t worth the fight. There are also some very poor and rural communities where the people just don't know how to do things for themselves, or can’t because they have no means of their own and are essentially prisoners in their own life.
We are asked as Peace Corps Volunteers to help with the HIV/AIDS epidemic and not to judge the culture of our host country. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong in any culture. It’s been a bit of a struggle to determine what the things are that can make a difference without passing judgment, or trying to change the culture in a way that affects the integrity and heart of a country. Many women I’ve met want to change how they are treated and take advantage of the opportunities that are available to them. I figure it’s best to assist where asked and try to influence in other ways through actions and conversation.
I wonder if the younger generations in the US have more partners in a lifetime than previous generations? I’ve had many conversations around the sexual practices of Botswana, and feel that promiscuity could be something that is part of their culture and may not change, but the practices of contraception and safe sex are changing. We tend to be a bit more private in the US about sex, religion and politics. It’s been interesting having such candid conversations, and uncomfortable having so many candid religious talks in a country that is hypocritically Christian. In doing research one issue I’ve found is that Botswana men think it’s a good thing to talk about how sexually active they are, so am I getting honest responses? In the US we have the opposite problem with the youth, they don’t want to admit that they are promiscuous, but it seems as if people are more promiscuous, or maybe they are just talking about it more? The Botswana sure think we are VERY promiscuous! In general Botswana are pretty free about sex and have no issues telling you how much they enjoy it. It reminds me a bit of the US hippy generation, but in Botswana it’s more about peer pressure, not wanting to be alone and physical pleasure, than sharing the love.
Something that came up in a conversation around casual sex is that if in a moment 2 people are passionate about each other and don’t have a condom they have been known to lie about their status because they want to be fulfilled. When it was mentioned that it’s illegal to knowingly infect another person, the justification is that by the time the person test positive they will have been with multiple partners and won’t be able to trace it back. Considering women are asked by men not to wear condoms and especially sex workers are vulnerable to this because men will pay more for if they don’t wear a condom, empowering women is something that could be powerful enough to change some of these unsafe practices.
Are the Botswana really that different than Americans?
I've been beginning to wonder if the Botswana really need that much help. Yea, they don't have the quality of services that we have in the US, but they are there and improving. Walmart just purchased controlling interest in their only mega store, so that's progress??? They seem to have low income, but yet don't have the extreme poor that we have in the US, though some of the outlying villages have some pretty destitute people. They are beginning to get a larger separation of wealth, but that's democracy and capitalism at it's best.
The average family does OK, the kids don't have all the latest toys and the adults don't have all the useless products we have, but they do have a large flat screen TV, more satellite channels than you could ask for, maybe some kind of x-box, or play station, each person has one, or two mobile or smart phones and the food is in abundance, or they grow it themselves. Not sure if they save for retirement, but they make the open market place work for them and families take care of eachother. Most own at least one plot with at least one house on it and build more as needed and have land for a farm. Anyone can sell anything from their home.
Feeling like they have many of the same social issues that we do, but because of other health issues HIV/AIDS has spread more rapidly here.
Let me know what you think…
