Over a Year Since the Incident... and I can finally tell my story

December 27^th, 2014. It was festive season in Mahalapye, Botswana and 3 days after Homecoming, the 20 hr. all day/night rave featuring DJ’s and musicians from all over Africa and Europe. From the beginning of December to 2 weeks after the New Year parties and holiday celebrations erupt around the county. Students have taken their end of year exams and impatiently wait to see if they passed to the next level, business slows to a crawl. Dancing, drinking, singing, eating and praying fill the 6 weeks they call festive season.

At 8:30am it was drizzling, gray and quiet, most of the village was sleeping off the festivities from x-mas. I walked to the main hotel to get a good breakfast and hopefully time on a somewhat reliable Internet connection. I chose to cross the dry riverbed and take the footpath that skirts Flowertown, the ward on the other side. As I turned off the rivers edge along the railroad tracks I reached the area where there were no more houses. I could see the commercial area ahead of me where the agricultural store and the lumber company sat. As I approached the old paved road that crossed the railroad tracks there were 2 men on the road just ahead of me. They walked past the trail I was on looking in my direction, a few seconds later our eyes met as they turned toward me on the trail. The taller man told me to give them some money. A brief thought entered my head about turning down a small path that cut off toward the tracks, but instead I stood my ground and said “no” and continued to walk past them. Each man grabbed one of my wrists as I could feel the blood moving quickly through my veins. My face went flush as I said “Fuck You!” I felt a mix of adrenaline, anxiety and fear and I pulled away as hard as I could. The man on my left pulled back with such force that it knocked me off balance sending me to the ground. My head flew back over the top of my backpack and smashed into the ground. They both were taken back and I don’t think they were sure what to do as I lie there on the ground. I put my feat up when they tried to advance toward me and they backed away.

At that moment I didn’t think to yell, as we were taught in our Safety and Security class. Instead I thought about what a woman in my office told me regarding a woman who had been robbed at knife point just the other day. She said the robber took the woman’s SIM card out of her phone and handed it to her telling her to go buy a new phone.

The thieves hesitated and I told them they could have my phone and my money, but they can’t have the SIM card. “I will take the SIM card out of my phone.” I fumbled nervously for my phone, reaching over my head into the top of my backpack. They waited patiently, leaning forward, then stepping back when I lifted up my feet. I noticed that they were of small stature, not much taller than myself, and slight of build. One of them had on a striped shirt and dark green pants and I think the other one had on blue jeans and a t-shirt. They actually looked fairly clean cut.

The men waited patiently as I pulled out my phone, opened it and took out the SIM card. I handed them my phone and started to reach for my wallet. Blindly scanning my pack with my hand, I had a hard time finding it and my heart was pounding faster as they grew more impatient and leaned forward again. I felt some protection from my feet as I lifted them up again and they tentatively stepped back. Finally, I produced my wallet from my backpack and the taller, more aggressive one, stepped around me and snatched it from my hand. He dug through it pulling out ID’s, bankcards, cash and the copy of my passport. I told him what each item was as he pulled it out and I asked him to only take the money, that I really need my ID’s. He dropped the wallet on my chest and most of the items fell to the ground as he pocketed the money. The other man unzipped my small pouch and I told him it was just my keys as they fell to the ground. They tried to get my backpack out from under me and I held on tight. The aggressive one threatened me with a large rock as I remembered to yell... “Tuso! Ke Kopa Tuso!” (Help! I Need Help!) At that moment I thought I saw someone far down the road, whatever it was caused the thieves to run down toward the river, away from the road. I got up quickly. Dizzy and disoriented I staggered toward the road when I realized I left several things lying on the ground, including my keys and credit card. Pumped with adrenaline, I tentatively walked back to where I was lying on the ground and picked up the pieces. Everything was covered in dirt and mud, including me. I walked to the hotel in what seemed like seconds, though it was still about a ½ mile away. Through shallow breath and fractured sentences, I told the desk attendant about the men. I’m sure I looked as flustered as I felt. One of the women let me put my SIM card in her phone to call Thuso, Peace Corps safety and security officer. I was having trouble with the reception on the phone and it seemed like it took forever to figure out the best way to handle the situation. I left Thuso a message with the number of the hotel, he eventually called back and I called the police, who told me to wait there.

Given it was festive season the police were very busy. I tried to clean myself up in the bathroom as best I could, but everything seem futile. I was exhausted, the adrenaline was wearing off and I just wanted a safe comfortable place to curl up and make myself as small as possible. I wanted to hide, or shrink up like Alice in Wonderland.

I waited in the lobby for hours. The cops finally came and asked me several questions about what happened. They spoke with Thuso on the phone, took copious notes, but it was still required of me to go down to the station to finish the police report. I didn’t want to go and wanted so much to be done with all of it, get cleaned up and eat the breakfast I had been looking so forward to. I wanted to escape my Peace Corps world and experience some of the finer things in Botswana, but those two men made sure that wasn’t going to happen, at least not today.

There were already several people in the police pickup truck. I starred at the female officer blankly when she wanted me to ride in the covered bed of the truck, where they put criminals. The 2 officers that were in the cab jumped in the back, I got in the front with the female officer and we started our journey. There were at least 3 other stops on the way back to the station. One man’s car was broken into in his front yard and a house was burglarized. We picked up another person, who got in the front of the cab with me; it wasn’t an extended cab, or a large truck by any means, and my knees were smashed up against the stick shift. I had a suspicion that the man we picked up was a suspect in a crime, but maybe that was my paranoia speaking. I think there were about 7, or 8 of us in the truck by now.

At the station there were several people in handcuffs and others just sitting randomly in chairs. All I could think about was getting out of there as quickly as possible. A young rookie from another village and a female officer from another village took my statement. During festive season, so many officers are sent to Mahalapye for backup. Mahalapye has some of the highest crime rates in the country during festive season.

No one took fingerprints from my wallet, even after I asked about it. They took my statement and promised me they would catch the thieves. It was about 2pm by then and I asked to be taken back to the hotel so I could get a good meal and relax by the pool. We took an SUV this time. There was a girl about 17, or 18 that joined me in the back seat and we talked softly as we drove to the hospital near by. Farly quickly I figured out that she had been raped, or sexually assaulted, and was going for a screening. I felt her shame and wounded spirit as she got out of the vehicle. She was alone and as we drove off I thought that maybe I should have offered to stay with her.

A local friend came over that night, we drank a bottle of wine and talked. She told me of the time her cell phone was snatched right out of her had when she was using it and that she held on so tight that her wrist hurt for days. She also told me of how her house had been burglarized, twice. The most difficult time for me came over the next few days. I was restless and couldn’t sleep, my shoulder, neck and wrists ached. It was hard to leave the house and I didn’t want to walk anywhere. I wanted to wait it out, see how I felt, at least until after new years. I was able to release some tension and relax a little at a friend’s news years gathering, but that was only temporary. The next day I couldn’t leave the house.

The day after New Years I spoke to Dr. Shava about my shoulder and he agreed to see me in the capital, but there was still a week left of the holiday. I also told him I wasn’t sleeping and I was paranoid. The pain seemed to be getting worse and the bruising was spreading. I didn’t get support from my program manager when I told her I needed to get out of Mahalapye, even after I told her I didn’t have the courage to walk anywhere. I felt like a prisoner in my house. It’s up to our program managers to decide if we can leave our village during lockdown, the first 3 months we are in our village we can’t travel without permission. The next day I called the program director and called Dr. Shava, again. After several days, many phone calls and much deliberation, they all agreed that I could come to the capital, Gaborone, and seek refuge. I couldn’t imagine taking the bus, or hiking (hitching a ride at the bus stop, a common and safe practice in Botswana). I was able to secure a ride with a friend that was coming through Mahalapye from another village the next day. His father owned the pharmacy that the Peace Corp used during training. All of this needed to be approved and was heavily scrutinized. I was exhausted by the time it was all settled.

I spent the weekend in Gaborone (Gabs) and Dr. Shava couldn’t see me that Monday, so my appt. was pushed until Tuesday. He told me he wanted me to wait until after In Service Training (IST) to send me to an orthopedic doctor, in service training was 2 weeks long and didn't start until the next Monday. Well, I didn't make it through IST and ended up in the hospital 1/2 way through.

During the first 2 weeks in Gabs I could meet with a psychotherapist and I found great solace in that. She told me that she wanted me to talk to other Peace Corps volunteers about what happened and how I handled the situation, though it wasn’t what we were taught in training, it's something she wished we could teach others. I took control of the situation taking the power out of the hands of the thieves, where we were taught to be submissive and give them everything. Taking control of the situation tends to reduce the potential for violence. It’s her theory that if we can take more control of situations, set clear boundaries and not let fear override us that crime would be less and violence reduced. Elaborating that it’s not something that’s easy to teach and a person needs to have good cognitive intelligence, she told me of the recent story about several women that were taken captive by ISIS and how a young woman, and her sisters, escaped rape and slavery. They escaped because she was able to take control of the situation, not let her fear overcome her and had good cognitive intelligence. You can listen to the story here http://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2014/09/27/351783611/kidnapped-by-isis-one-woman-tells-how-she-saved-her-sisters 

The driver for Botrail Cycling Club was a police officer in Zimbabwe and he confirmed what the therapist told me stating that he thought I did the right thing by taking control of the situation. Even doing the “right thing” leaves it’s mark. It’s been over a year since the incident. I’m having nightmares occasionally, though they aren’t specific and most the time I don’t remember what they are about. At times I find it hard to leave my apartment and the anxiety for everyday activities is still paralyzing. I also have paranoia on trails when I’m alone, or at night when walking down the street of one of the friendliest and safest towns in America. I never used to be afraid. The thing that scares me the most is that I have no direction, I’m having a hard time making a decision about a career, where I want to live, or even if I want to ski, hike, snowshoe or meet up with friends. Everyone still sees me as this strong, independent, fearless, make it happen kind of woman. Well, I don’t know where that person is right now. The hardest thing for me to grasp is that I’ve always been able to take that next step, make something happen, or just go with the flow and have the confidence that it will all work out. Now I don’t see what’s ahead of me and, only what’s behind me, I want it all to go away!!

There’s an entire story around the delays for getting the care that I needed and the way I was treated by the Peace Corps staff. I’m still dealing with the repercussions related to the delays of my surgery and treatment and the emotional implications of how I was treated when I got back to the US. Even with all the hurdles I experienced with Peace Corps I loved my service and truly wanted to go back. There are a lot of politics and personalities within Peace Corps, but it’s up to us volunteers to make our service count. In the end it’s all about what we make of it. Now that it’s been almost a year since my medical separation, and I'm still recovering from my last surgery, I can’t go back without reapplying. I’m trying hard to look forward to my next adventure whatever that might be.

No Longer a Peace Corps Volunteer

In the hospital, at every morning and evening shift change, the entire staff would come in my room, say hello and ask me how I was doing. During my stay one nurse gave me the wrong pill at the wrong time and another thought she was giving me Celebrex, which I'm allergic to. The physiotherapist (PT) was giving me electric stimulation when I told him the pads on my back and neck weren't working. The TV didn’t work the entire time I was there and that's the main reason Peace Corps gave me a private room. First world problems in a developing county!

After 6 days on drugs, in traction and with VERY little PT, the pain was reduced, but I still had significant issues. The Peace Corps put me in a hotel and I continued PT, but couldn’t get beyond the numbness in my fingers and pain down my arm and back. Dr. Shava, the Peace Corps Medical Officer (PCMO), asked me how I felt about going home for continued care? Within 2 days I was on Medical Evacuation (Medevac) to the US. I’ve been back in Chicago for over 6 weeks now, which is the maximum time allowed for medical leave and I’m in the process of administering everything for my Close Of Service (COS).

I’ve gone from only being comfortable in a recliner, or lying down and not being able to type at the computer, to just a little stiffness and slight pain in my upper back. But, that’s not the kicker! During the PT for my back we were also working on my shoulder and, well, the shoulder never got better. The pain wasn’t nearly as bad as the issues resulting from my neck, but not being able to sleep well, or do basic things without pain was not fun. So, last Friday I finally had an MRI and I have what they call a full thickness rotator cuff tendon tear. The recommendation, surgery.

As of the 28th of March I’m no longer a Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV) and I'm currently working on a Federal Employment Compensation Act (FECA) workman’s comp claim and possible disability through the Department Of Labor (DOL). I’m returning to Truckee as a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) and I didn’t receive an Early Termination (ET) since it was a medical separation. I have an option to complete my PC service when I'm medically cleared. Enough acronyms for ya?

Bike Racing in Botswana

 

Me in the orange with white helmet and Amo on my left

 

 

 Amo

 

BP

January 24th and 25th we had our first mt. bike race, which was also a 2 day duathlon.  The duathlon consisted of a 21k foot race in sand, over huge granite slabs and through river beds on Saturday and a 63K mt. bike on Sunday on the same trail. The mt. bike event was 21, 42, or 63K on the same trail on Sunday. We had 2 competitors doing the duathlon and 3 of us doing only the mt. bike race. What a fun event. I saw 2 Peace Corps (PC) staff members at the event, one of them had her bike stolen the week before, so she wasn’t racing. BP, one of the duathlon competitors, finished 3rd in the veteran’s class, 40 to 49, and I finished 3rd in the women’s 42K, unfortunately there wasn’t a masters category for women, though I may have been the only one in that class. Monica the Director of Programing at PC finished 3rd in the 21K.

 
Monica and me with our trophies
 

It was great to see so many kids out riding! And lots of girls!

During the race I was still hurting from an accident I had back in December where my shoulder and my neck were injured. Several days after the race I had some pretty sever symptoms that were similar to what I had in May last year when we discovered there were 2 herniated disks in my neck. The pain got so severe that I could only lie down to relieve it. I went to see a neurologist and he subscribed some muscle relaxers, but that did nothing. Next it was off to an orthopedic, who admitted me into the hospital, put me on several different medications, including 2 intervenes ones and traction for 6 days!

Learning more about Bots culture, the hard way!! 

The doctor gave me a lecture when I told him how they took care of me in the states and that they didn't put me in the hospital. He said I needed to trust him and he knows what the Peace Corps life style is like, so it's best to be in the hospital and that's the only way it will work. His solution, if I wasn’t out of pain in a couple of weeks, was surgery! I was in too much pain to argue at that time.

Bright, or Jerry, the Zimbabwe National Champion who rides with us some times, is going to train in the US with Mikes Bikes!! He will be in CA on the 18th of April. Thanks Mikes Bikes for making this happen!! So fun to bring people together and help them live their dreams. Bright will be in the US for 5 months.

What am I doing?

 

This is a post I should have put up at the end of January, but a lot has happened since then that has changed my service dramatically. I want to get you caught up before I go into what happened in the middle of January and got me to where I'm at today.

I wrote this in January, but never posted it.

I'm just starting to write my proposals for all the projects I'll be working on. The Peace Corps wanted us to take 3 months to do our community assessment, and write a 7 to 12 page report before we start any "real" work or projects, OK, so my assessment is over 20 pages and I also did interviews of people affected by HIV and AIDS, I will post the video later. I've written a proposal to raise money for a conference on how people infected with HIV are at a high risk for contracting TB and organize a fund raiser at a nightclub to raise money for the conference, what a fun event! Everything I do needs to revolve around HIV/AIDS or ways to help people live healthier more productive lives and avoid getting HIV. So much to do here it's crazy!! There are some people that just don't seem to care that much about contracting HIV, or maybe they don't understand how bad it is and how they might be at risk? They drink like fishes and have sex like dolphins. 

I'm working directly with 2 organizations and supporting the Non-Governmental Organizations (NGO's) working with HIV/AIDS in my region, which is about 115,000 people and 40 villages. The 2 organizations I'm working with are: District Aids Commission (DAC) the government org that oversees a region and makes sure the government mission and mandates around HIV/AIDS are being met and implemented and Vision Support Group (VSG), an organization under an NGO umbrella that gives support for people infected, or affected by HIV/AIDS and other diseases. The DAC supports NGO's, community based organizations and government organizations in the district. The DAC is responsible for monitoring, reporting and evaluating all the programs and stats around HIV/AIDS and anyone infected, or affected by the disease and Vision Support Group (VSG) supports people in the demographic the DAC is responsible for. VSG helps connect people with services from testing to meds and psychosocial support to home care. Anything I do needs to help build capacity to help prevent HIV infections and help people infected and affected by the disease like orphans, single mothers, sex workers, youth… etc. The idea is that when I leave they will have more skills to support reaching their mandates and any projects I will have worked on can continue without me. I'm still doing my community assessment, so I don't know where all the needs are and everything I'll be doing, but here's what I do know...

The DAC, help make the organizations under the DAC successful through supporting them with meeting their mandates, setting goals and helping to build a strategic plan to address these needs and meet the goals. 

My work with VSG will revolve around helping to develop fundraising strategies, creating a strategy to rebuild the organization and in general build a more stable organization. I hope to be doing this with all the NGO's and community based orgs under the DAC. I will be having workshops on writing proposals, grants, messaging, marketing, grant search, fund raising etc... They all have relied on the government for funding that didn't take much effort to get and now that funding is getting slim. It would be great to leave something like Parasol Foundation, an umbrella that supports not for profits in getting grants, fund raising and training, at the DAC. I think it's feasible to get a computer with a grant search database and some online courses.

The government has done a great job in setting up the structure to support the needs of it's people, but the people don't know how to take advantage of it, or aren't able to because they live in remote communities. I’ve found many Botswana need some hand holding when it comes to absorbing all the information and time management skills are a bit lacking. They have mostly relied on their government and global funding sources to support them, but those global funding sources are pulling out because they have become a middle income country. They need to learn to be more self-reliant.

There are also, what the Peace Corps calls, secondary projects. These are at my discretion, but still need to address the needs of the HIV/AIDS groups. I’ve started one woman’s support group to help empower women to find jobs, go back to school and become more confident and independent. 

Mission
 

The mission is a support group of woman by women. We come together as sisters to support each other in fulfilling our dreams and passions of becoming strong, confident and independent women. Empowering each other with the confidence and support necessary to become a business owner, a merchant, a trades person, a chef, a farmer, or to fulfill a dream of higher education.

Vision

The vision of the woman's support group is to empower women of Botswana to be confident, independent, and productive individuals of the world.

Projects

Together we nurture ideas growing the strong ones into prosperous projects. A group project will be birthed every 2 years and we will work together to make is a success. The first project will be a coffee shop bakery that is also a space to share, teach and sell traditional, and not so traditional, woman's crafts. 

I have met 2 counterparts that will help me build support groups. There are also some very poor communities that just don't know how to take advantage of the programs the government has to offer. Women have been repressed for so long that many lack the self esteem necessary to advocate for themselves. 

One of my other secondary projects is helping to coach the Botswana Railways Cycling Club.

I got a used mt. bike that came from Mikes Bikes in Marin of all places! I've done a few rides with the Mahalapye cycling club and I'm going to start helping the coach develop a stronger team,  and more members. They are sponsored by the railroad and have many bikes, helmets etc... but have more riders than bikes and more bikes then helmets, gloves, shoes etc...

There are about 9 women and 20 men between the ages of 17 and 40, so it's perfect for doing HIV/AIDS work and gender work. They tend to discriminated against the women a bit, but it's also the women not advocating for themselves. All the best equipment goes to the men and most of them have bike shoes that were purchased by the bike club, but the women who have shoes have purchased them themselves.
 

 

I'm so grateful that I've been able to get a mt. bike here and enjoy all the dirt trails. In Gaborone there are some hills to climb and one of the game parks, pictured above, has some great trails developed by The Bike Shop! There are so many people that want to "grow up," that's what someone called it, learn, and be like us in America, and so many Botswana that keep asking me for help, it's exhausting! I take Sundays as me time and have been riding a bit lately. On this last Sunday I found some great trails! There are some very small hills near by, but not much climbing and I did find some good technical trails that need a little work. I hope to be able to put together about 25 miles of fun trails and dirt roads with some pretty technical sections. One of the boys on the bike team is going to bring a machete to cut back the thorny trees, of which there are many, and I have plenty of scratches to prove it! There's only a couple of mt. bikers on the bike team, but I hope, with their help, to get some good trails going. Finally starting to loose the 10lbs I gained since I came here.

Sometimes I feel there is so much to do here that I don't have enough time and things move so slowly.

The Botswana Railways team and I thank you all for your generous donations and help getting items to Mike's Bikes in Novato. The container is starting it's 3 month journey across the Atlantic this week, Feb 1st. And thank you to all of you trying to help Jerry get on a team in the US.

Learning Botswana Culture

 

Yes this ant hill is taller than the house!!  There must be 20 different varieties of ants here!

 

Happy New Year! Peace On Earth 

In a country with an AIDS epidemic is promiscuity OK if it doesn’t negatively affect anyone?

This has been one of the most difficult posts, and quite a long one!! Below are some researchy paragraphs with statistics, I’m currently writing my community assessment and thought I would share some of my research…

It seems that, in Botswana, few people that I’ve met have monogamous relationships and many have multiple concurrent partners. Because of love triangles resulting from these types of relationships passion killings are not uncommon. Fewer people are dying from malnutrition and diarrheal diseases, while other causes, including interpersonal violence, claimed more lives in Botswana in 2013 than in 1990.

A man I know is dedicated to his work, family, was a social worker and is a very compassionate and caring individual. He doesn't drink and goes to church regularly. Despite what this would represent in US culture it means quite a different thing here. He’s currently engaged and very much in love with his fiancé, yet he’s shagging another woman and that woman has a boy friend and, well, the fact that both of their partners live in other towns seems to make it OK to have multiple concurrent partners. The man drives 2 hrs every weekend to be with his fiancé and his daughter, but maybe for him this isn’t enough physical attention. Does she have multiple partners too?

Other men have said that they would get bored if they were with just one woman. I’ve heard it often said that Botswana used to be a polygamist country and it’s been difficult to change those practices. There are many churches that still allow polygamy and perform polygamist marriages even though it is currently illegal in Botswana, they don’t register all of the wives with the government. In a discussion I had with a 20 something Botswana that I work with I was told that Botswana use their casual approach to relationships as a way of not getting hurt because they have been hurt before and don’t trust. This is the same man that blatantly tried to steal P100 BWP from me, the equivalent of about $11 USD, but relatively worth about $25 USD. Many Botswana women have told me that they don’t trust other women, or Botswana men and want a white man because they think they are more honest. I don’t get the sense from the men that they don’t trust each other though some have told me they don’t trust Bostwana women. One man actually said that Botswana women are evil. This could be because of the poverty here and that the poor, and not so poor, Botswana will do just about anything for money and these “things” include some form of deception either to the person they are getting money from, or to themselves. If you are not honest with yourself then how can you be honest with others? Many Botswana are used to relying on others and the government to get them what they need, so manipulative and conniving acts are not unheard of. People are very open about cheating the government and others to get what they want.

Younger men and women have told me they will be faithful in marriage and many women want monogamous relationships.

One, or both, of their grandparents; foster parent/s, aunts, or older siblings, raise Botswana children. The children move from grandparents, to mother, to friend and in a few cases the fathers will watch after them. It’s not uncommon for the parents of the children not be married and it's VERY common for people to have kids out of wedlock. In many cases children are cared for when they are infants and once they can walk steadily they have more freedom than what children do in the US. I’ve had very young children, 3, or 4 years old, run up to me, crossing dirt roads, just to say hi and there are no parents in sight. 2 and 3 year olds roam the yards freely looking for things to play with. I haven’t seen many rules for any age, except being inside by dark and as children get older they are asked to help with chores and usually do so without any hesitation.The average Botswana family will have a large flat screen TV with satellite that gets a plethora of channels and some have an x-box, or playstation. In these families there is at least one car.

I’ve observed that Botswana children are very carefree. They posses little inhibition, have a lot of free time and enjoy playing with the most simple objects: a ball made out of a sock, an old tire, aluminum cans, sticks, rocks and homemade toys. They seem confident, happy and not afraid. The girls want to grow up quickly; 14 year olds wear very provocative clothing, usually have developed some kind of a strut and carry themselves like a woman. I’ve noticed that most Botswana really know how to flirt, the men are very good at it!, and the girls know how to get attention.

Having sex at a young age is very common in Botswana. I was told by a 23 year old that most Botswana have sex between the ages of 14 and 18 and it’s common to have multiple partners during those years. There is a lot of peer pressure to have sex and all the Botswana I’ve met are very open about it. It’s not uncommon for a 19 year old to have a child, or two. Abortion is illegal, except for extreme cases like rape, or when it’s dangerous for the woman to go the full term of the pregnancy. It’s frequent that the men don’t wear condoms and I haven’t determined why Botswana don’t use condoms, or other forms birth control regularly. Children are protected under the formal laws and men are required to pay child support, but it's minimal and not enough to cover the basic needs of a child. There is a high rate of unemployment, or low employment and many men can’t afford to pay for child support, so even if the woman goes to court and wins her battle, the father may not have anything he can pay her with.

Who am I to judge whether having multiple relations, or having children out of wedlock is right, or wrong. Studies show that humans, out of the need to procreate, have a yearning to find more than one partner. "We do know that in humans we do have this pretty strong pair bond, and there's more paternal investment than in most other primates," said Daniel Kruger, a social and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health. "We're special in this regard, but at the same time like most mammals, we are a polygamous species." Kruger said humans are considered "mildly polygamous," in which a male mates with more than one female.

Mildly polygamous seems to mean that humans may have one partner, but have sex with others? In these types of situations I think about the well being of the children and wonder if they are getting the consistent love and nurturing that children need to be happy and healthy? Does a broken home with multiple caregivers’ breed low self-esteem?

In an article by Dr. Seth Meyers, a clinical psychologist, relationship counselor, parenting counselor and couples therapist. He states “In my clinical work, I find that a promiscuous individual suffers from low self-esteem and feels that sex is a way to get attention and to feel noticed. Of course, if someone feels smart, happy and loved, they typically will not need to seek out attention in maladaptive ways.” I wonder if this holds true in Botswana?

Some children are treated as commodities and when a woman gets married her new husband must pay her family for the cost of her upbringing and schooling, all the costs it took to raise her. This is called the bride price, or Begodi. The bride is then obligated to the man because he paid for her and the bride’s family puts pressure on her to perform in the marriage so they aren’t dishonored. On the wedding day, after the celebration, there is a ceremony where the bride is brought to the groom’s family and she is told what is expected of her in marriage. I’ve heard that often times the woman cries when the expectations are revealed. The man is still clearly the head of the household.

Women head 46% of the countries households, but have much less of the wealth. They have less access to land, cattle and other economic resources because in most cases the family wealth is passed down to the males in the family, there have recently been laws that make it "OK" for the women to receive some of the family wealth, but it still rarely happens. There are many reasons why women are repressed and the most prevalent is that some traditional laws are still prevailing. Traditional laws were here well before the constitution documented formal laws and the original constitution, written just 50 year ago, didn’t address woman’s issues specifically. Many of the cultural, or traditional, laws make women servants to men, the bride price insures that, and the constitution fails to address contradictions between formal and traditional laws. In traditional law a woman can’t say no to any command from their husband, particularly for sex, and the woman is required to do all the household chores including regular raking and cleaning of the plot, which is usually about 1/2 acre, or more, and all dirt that gets covered with weeds. The yard is expected to be clear of weeds and raked regularly, all the cooking, child rearing, cleaning and laundry, done by hand in most cases, is the responsibility of the woman. All of this is also expected if the woman is holding down a job outside the home. It's common for a woman to get beaten if she doesn't meet the expectations. In 2008 some of the formal laws were clarified and women, by law, don’t have to be submissive to the man. Corporal punishment is also now illegal, though still practiced.

Some of the 20 something men that I interviewed stated that they think the chores should be 50/50 but the woman should know her ”place” and that “place” is to be submissive to the man. A woman I know had cervical cancer and was very sick for years, yet her husband insisted she still do her chores. He beat her several times because she was too weak to do everything that was expected of her. She accepted this because she feels that he didn’t know how to manage when she wasn’t able to live up to what was expected of her. Yes, there are laws that have been passed within the last 6 years that protect women and children, but the resources to uphold the laws are lacking. Many women, if they know their rights, don’t have the resources to protect themselves and many times the repercussions in the home aren’t worth the fight. There are also some very poor and rural communities where the people just don't know how to do things for themselves, or can’t because they have no means of their own and are essentially prisoners in their own life.

We are asked as Peace Corps Volunteers to help with the HIV/AIDS epidemic and not to judge the culture of our host country. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong in any culture. It’s been a bit of a struggle to determine what the things are that can make a difference without passing judgment, or trying to change the culture in a way that affects the integrity and heart of a country. Many women I’ve met want to change how they are treated and take advantage of the opportunities that are available to them. I figure it’s best to assist where asked and try to influence in other ways through actions and conversation.

I wonder if the younger generations in the US have more partners in a lifetime than previous generations? I’ve had many conversations around the sexual practices of Botswana, and feel that promiscuity could be something that is part of their culture and may not change, but the practices of contraception and safe sex are changing. We tend to be a bit more private in the US about sex, religion and politics. It’s been interesting having such candid conversations, and uncomfortable having so many candid religious talks in a country that is hypocritically Christian. In doing research one issue I’ve found is that Botswana men think it’s a good thing to talk about how sexually active they are, so am I getting honest responses? In the US we have the opposite problem with the youth, they don’t want to admit that they are promiscuous, but it seems as if people are more promiscuous, or maybe they are just talking about it more? The Botswana sure think we are VERY promiscuous! In general Botswana are pretty free about sex and have no issues telling you how much they enjoy it. It reminds me a bit of the US hippy generation, but in Botswana it’s more about peer pressure, not wanting to be alone and physical pleasure, than sharing the love.

Something that came up in a conversation around casual sex is that if in a moment 2 people are passionate about each other and don’t have a condom they have been known to lie about their status because they want to be fulfilled. When it was mentioned that it’s illegal to knowingly infect another person, the justification is that by the time the person test positive they will have been with multiple partners and won’t be able to trace it back. Considering women are asked by men not to wear condoms and especially sex workers are vulnerable to this because men will pay more for if they don’t wear a condom, empowering women is something that could be powerful enough to change some of these unsafe practices.

Are the Botswana really that different than Americans?

I've been beginning to wonder if the Botswana really need that much help. Yea, they don't have the quality of services that we have in the US, but they are there and improving. Walmart just purchased controlling interest in their only mega store, so that's progress??? They seem to have low income, but yet don't have the extreme poor that we have in the US, though some of the outlying villages have some pretty destitute people. They are beginning to get a larger separation of wealth, but that's democracy and capitalism at it's best.

The average family does OK, the kids don't have all the latest toys and the adults don't have all the useless products we have, but they do have a large flat screen TV, more satellite channels than you could ask for, maybe some kind of x-box, or play station, each person has one, or two mobile or smart phones and the food is in abundance, or they grow it themselves. Not sure if they save for retirement, but they make the open market place work for them and families take care of eachother. Most own at least one plot with at least one house on it and build more as needed and have land for a farm. Anyone can sell anything from their home.

Feeling like they have many of the same social issues that we do, but because of other health issues HIV/AIDS has spread more rapidly here.

Let me know what you think…

Botswana Know How to Party!

  My first big celebration! OK, so it happened over a month ago…

  The Botswana really know how to party! When there is a big celebration they rent a lodge out by the cattle post, or farmland and party for 24hrs straight. I went to my host brother’s college graduation party over a month ago and what I thought was going to be an afternoon at the lodge with a BBQ turned into an all night rage with the DJ starting at 10pm and playing until 5am. The next morning, at about 8am was breakfast and the hair of the dog. There was well over 100 people there by midnight.  

Here is what my host brother wrote on Facebook…

I would like to take this time to express my sincere gratitude for what transpired during the weekend,words fall short to script how magnificent it felt to be appreciated and motivated in the manner that i am and i would like to promise and assure you that you have not yet seen the best to come out of me.The following deserves to be mentioned: God, my late dad,mother,my beautiful and handsome siblings, my cousins, my friends,niece & nephews,uncles,my grandmother and relatives,
When people drink here they do it to get drunk... I mean REALLY drunk!! It's not uncommon for a man or a woman to have 20+ beers, or ciders in one day, with a few shots mixed in, and get up the next day and start all over again. They tease me when I have 1, or 2 drinks. I'm told that about 80% of the drinking age population drinks regularly. I was told that they don't really drink during the week, so they make up for it on the weekends. There's also a saying by the employers "employees drink all weekend and have their hangover on their employers time" There’s a lot of napping in the office. 

It’s now festive season and there are parties, or Braai’s, practically every night. I went to the Botswana Railways Bike team Braai (BBQ) on Monday and cooked my ass off! I hope to go to the Homecoming put on by the Botswana Railways, the biggest party of the year in Mahalapye. It’s an all night rave that starts at 2pm and goes to 6am. DJ’s from all over Africa come to entertain, some pretty famous ones from South Africa, so I’m told. There’s food, drink, music and lots of dancing! It’s very common to dance in a circle with each person taking his or her turn in the middle. I’ve been dancing more here than I have in years.  

Some random pics

The Mahalapye river!! About 50-75 yards wide and it looks like it could be up to 20 feet deep, when there is water!! Their drought might be worse than ca.

More pics in the river!! Yes these bulls let you get very close! One started walking toward me and they walk the river everyday adding lots if nitrogen to the sand. They are HUGE. They aren't phased by humans.

Everything is bigger in Botswana, the mice,  as big as rats, the wasps, twice the size, the sky... Amazing skies!